No, Billy is not goat. Just regular guy with apartment, two cats, couple half dead plants and job calling people up in middle of day to see if they need car insurance.

Only everyone’s got that shit already or (if not) they’re in jail for blowing smoke at rental cop, or passing VP of United States a venereal disease.

Makes you wonder: who’s running country? who’s looking out for kids? who’s checking our milk supply?

True story by way: Most CEO types (like VP) only love parade when they’re out front shouting: HUP Two Three Four! (Funny they always shout HUP 234! instead of something  more interesting like HUP TWO POINT SIX NINE or: “Go for the throat men!  Our sackcloth is at the cleaners.”)

Anyway, when Billy in charge of car insurance scandal, he goes straight to cameras and falls on his sword. No, not real sword like King Arthur hauled around back before indoor plumbing, just simple 6 inch blue ballpoint pen for signing papers but goddamn hurts like hell when you fall on it.

So now Billy’s got hole in his breast pocket near his broken heart with blue ink stains and his lungs [wheeze wheeze] in middle of night when he wakes up alone gasping for air like salmon in shallow creek bed spawn, all drenched with creek-sweat.

No, Billy is not fish and doesn’t lay eggs. Once though he tried prove he wasn’t chicken when girl said he didn’t have what it takes to charge machine gun nest armed with 6 inch blue sword and yet up green hill he flew, screaming and scaring roosters.

Billy hero. His mother watches sad TV from kitchen doorway and waves small flag; his father sings throat lips hoarse with old anthems. Patriotic fever goes up.

But Billy still alive on back of bunker! He signs his name on concrete with blood that runs through downspouts, fills lakes with red moonlight.

That’s when CEO telegram with book deals and movie offers but problems don’t stop. Nobody minding country. VP still get free pass. Kids still don’t have milk. And in ironic, all of goats (who might make help if Billy ask nicely) gone. Absolute nowhere to be found.